


Curses Have Consequences And Rewards Too

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 07:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3560558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damn witches. Dean hated them. Some witch had cast a spell on Cas, managing to make every fear he had become heightened to the extreme. He had panicked and cried and barely let Dean or Sam touch him to try to comfort him. Sam had gotten to the witch and killed her before they could ask how long it lasted. It was the better choice. She had eventually driven her victims to insanity, only curing them if they could last three days. Most only lasted two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Curses Have Consequences And Rewards Too

Eventually Dean managed to make Cas stop screaming at the dead woman and Dean dragged him to the car, where he had started crying and grabbed Dean like it was his only chance of survival. Now he sat on Deans bed, all the lights on in the room, door shut and locked, with Dean sitting beside him and practicing his guitar. Apparently Cas hated loud noises and darkness. He also hated thunder, yelling, fighting, danger in general, nightmares, the noise of gagging, and sometimes touching. Sam had choked on food when they got back and Cas had covered his ears and run. Dean took him outside to get some air and when thunder shook the cloudy sky he started breathing fast and shaking. He wouldn't try to rest because now that he was human he had nightmares. Even now with Dean, he was tense.  
"Cas, you ok?" Dean asked again, trying to fight off his drowsiness by rubbing his eyes.  
"I'm ok right now." Cas said quietly.  
"Good, that's good." Dean said quietly, looking over at him. He lifted his hand, careful not to let them touch until Cas saw his hand.  
"Ok..." Cas said quietly. Dean reached out and put a hand on his arm, trailing in across his and to his back before rubbing tiny circles.  
"You'll be fine Cas, you're tough. Sam is looking as quick as he can to find that reversal spell and until then you'll be ok..." Dean promised.  
"What if Sam can't find the spell?" Cas said anxiously.  
"Whoa, don't freak out now, you were doing great, he will, I know it." Dean said, a gentle smile on his face as Cas looked over at him.  
"Ok, it's one in the morning Cas, I need some sleep." Dean said yawning.  
"No- don't! Please don't!" Cas panicked, grabbing his wrist and trying to keep him on the bed.  
"Cas, no no no, calm down, it's ok, let me finish, come on, look at me." Dean said quietly. Cas was breathing fast but he looked up and Dean smiled at him carefully.  
"I'm not gonna make you leave, but we do have to turn out a couple of these lamps, and I need to put away this guitar." Dean said. Cas nodded and slowly let go of his arm, watching every move as he did what he needed to. When he used the bathroom Cas nearly had a panic attack but when Dean brushed his teeth he opened the door, so it made Cas feel better. Dean decided not to make Cas brush his teeth. He would hate walking to his room and Dean was too tired to go with him. Instead he laid down on his bed, getting under the covers and getting comfortable.  
"Dean, where do I sleep?" Cas asked.  
"If you wanna stay with me you'll have to sleep right here." Dean said awkwardly. He was sure he was blushing but he wouldn't admit it.  
"Ok... Can you turn towards me?" Cas asked quietly. Dean grumbled against his pillow but turned anyway and Cas climbed into the bed unsurely. He was just getting settled when the rain that had been pouring all day and night decided to be a dick and thunder shook the bunker. Cas made a noise between a grunt and a whine and grabbed onto Dean, starting to shake.  
"It's ok, it'll be ok, I'm right here. Don't focus on that, focus on my voice. Look at me Cas, come on." Dean tried, but Cas was already starting to cry. As Cas had explained, he at first cried from fear, but after that it was because of shame. He felt weak like this and wasn't afraid to admit it. So Dean pulled him closer and Cas put his head against Deans chest and cried. Dean could tell he was crying from shame now because although he tensed and shook harder when the thunder rumbled, he was also hiding his face and trying to curl up to be as small as possible. He was a silent cryer, only making little gasping noises and, when embarrassed, whimpering.  
"It's ok Cas, I'm not gonna judge you for this. It's a damn witches' fault. You're safe, right here. I promise, I won't let anything bad happen." Dean said quietly, putting an arm around him. Cas didn't tense, but instead somehow got closer. Dean put his other arm under his pillow and Cas wrapped one arm over Deans waist. Dean wasn't sure how but Cas somehow got his arm under his pillow and their fingers touched. He also wasn't sure why but Cas grabbed his hand and became quiet other then small sniffles.  
"Cas, you ok?" Dean asked.  
"Y-Yes- I'm- I'm scared- I- this is so stupid!" Cas whined.  
"Why? What's wrong?" Dean asked.  
"I-I'm scared! I'm scared of something I can't tell you about and you're the only one who can help but you might also cause it to happen if I tell you!" Cas said angrily. He was breathing fast but seemed more angry then scared.  
"Cas... That doesn't make sense..." Dean said hesitantly.  
"I-I know it doesn't! I- dammit don't look at me like that!" Cas said, sitting up and holding his hands behind his head.  
"Cas, calm down, just talk to me." Dean said calmly, sitting up beside him.  
"I can't!" Cas said angrily, trying to hold himself together.  
"I just need to understand Cas, can you explain it again?" Dean asked.  
"I... I can't prepare you for what I would say... Nothing could... It's deeper then you would understand and you wouldn't expect it..." Cas said sadly. Surprisingly it was the most Cas-like thing he had said all day.  
"Then screw explaining it. Show me. Show me what you mean." Dean urged, reaching a hand out towards him slowly and putting it on his hand.  
"Dean..." Cas started.  
"Please... Show me... I wanna understand..." Dean said quietly. Without any warning Cas was pulling his face forward and kissing the life out of him. Instantly he was pulling back and started to cry. Dean pulled him against his chest as Cas started to cry harder.  
"I didn't want you to reject me but I didn't know if you would reject me but I couldn't tell you cause you might reject me and it was all one big circle and I don't like circles Dean! I don't! Circles make traps and this circle was trying to trap me!" Cas sobbed against him. Dean had to try to come back to his senses after what had happened and he still wasn't sure he hadn't just dreamed it.  
"Cas, Cas stop crying, try to calm down ok? Just let it out and try to look up alright? I know you can't just stop but try to look at me. I'm not mad alright? Look, I'm not mad Cas." Dean assured him.  
"But y-you're not happy either!" Cas sobbed, shaking and gripping onto Dean like a lifeline.  
"Cas- I'm not upset! I'm... I'm not gay! I just... It's not men... Just you... I mean... I guess a few men... But it was only ever you that I felt a connection to... Like, sure this guy has a nice ass, but you... You're... You're you... I mean- I guess that makes me bi, but I'm not gay! I have pride..." Dean said quietly. Dean had started to feel the confidence that seemed to have drained from Cas completely, and now it was draining from him as well.  
"What if I'm gay?" Cas whimpered.  
"Aw- Cas no- I shouldn't have said it like that... My dad... I guess it was just after mom died, I was still in kindergarden... And a boy kissed me... And later that day... My dad said that he wouldn't be proud to be a Winchester if his son was gay... Later on, when I was about eighteen I... Experimented... And found out I was bi... Well, I mean I guess, I still liked chicks way more, but hooking up with a guy for a night never bothered me... And my dad found out and he said he wasn't proud anymore... So I told him I would never do it again... But now... What I meant was that I'm proud to be a Winchester even if he wouldn't have liked it..."  
"Are you proud of me?" Cas sniffed, starting to look up.  
"Yes." Dean said confidently.  
"Then... You like me too?" Cas asked quietly.  
"Y-Yeah..." Dean stuttered. Despite admitting it a minute ago, he felt nervous saying it now.  
"Can I... Can I kiss you again?" Cas asked shyly.  
"Hell yeah..." Dean grinned, leaning towards him. Cas smiled shyly and leaned into him, letting their lips meet.  
"Cas wait... We can't... You know we can't... Do 'that' yet... Right?" Dean said nervously. Cas had started to pull at his shirt and stopped where he was.  
"I know..." Cas said shyly.  
"Then why are you trying to strip me?" Dean asked in amusement.  
"Because I'm tired, and the thunder is gonna come back soon..." Cas said quietly.  
"But what does that have to do with my shirt?" Dean asked.  
"If I take your shirt off... And listen to your heart beat... Maybe it'll make the thunder quieter..." Cas said shyly.  
"Aw- Cas..." Dean smiled. He was sure Cas must be a thousand times more adorable with this spell on him.  
"Alright then, pull it off." Dean chuckled. Cas eagerly pulled the shirt off over Deans head and laid down on top of him. He was almost asleep, listening to Deans heartbeat, when the next round of thunder hit and Cas startled awake.  
"Dean..." Cas whimpered. Dean shushed his and started to move his fingers through his hair calmly.  
"It's ok, I'm right here..." Dean said comfortingly.  
"Sing to me..." Cas said quietly. Dean blinked in surprise but he didn't stop moving his hand.  
"Uh- o-ok..." Dean said nervously. Slowly he started to sing, making Cas relax against him even as the thunder kept going. After a few minutes Cas' breathing evened out and Dean stopped singing.  
"Cas?" Dean whispered. With no answer, he let himself drift off into sleep.

* * *

When Dean woke up it was to Cas shaking him and starting to cry. Dean sat up quickly, making his head spin, and grabbed onto Cas.  
"Cas, Cas it's ok, nothing is happening, you're alright!" Dean assured him. Cas was panting and trying not to cry, and Dean was shushing him over and over.  
"Cas, what happened?" Dean asked.  
"You were on your stomach- I couldn't hear your heart- dreamed you died!" Cas whimpered, covering his face with his hands.  
"It's ok, I'm ok, I'm right here, look at me, I'm ok Cas..." Dean assured him. Cas slowly calmed down, letting Dean hold onto him. He couldn't control it for long though, and he broke down, crying against Dean.  
"No! No no no Cas! It's ok! I'm not upset! You don't need to be embarrassed!" Dean said sadly.  
"I-I'm sorry..." Cas said shakily.  
"It's ok, I know you can't help it Cas, and even if you were crying all the time I wouldn't care. I still think you're awesome like this. Man, you didn't forget what happened already did you?" Dean chuckled.  
"I-I thought I dreamed that... Your shirt was on when I woke up..." Cas said quietly.  
"I'm sorry... I got cold in the middle of the night... Come here, it's morning anyway." Dean smiled. Cas blushed and slid closer to him, curling up beside him. Dean got up and turned on the lights, then laid back down and put an arm around him.  
"D-Dean? May I... Um... Kiss you again?" Cas asked shyly.  
"You are so cute when you're nervous." Dean chuckled, then pulled him up on top of him. Cas squeaked in surprise when they he was pulled flush together against Dean but didn't protest when he felt the press of something hard against his thigh.  
"D-Dean-" Cas stuttered nervously.  
"Don't worry, I'm not... It's something that just happens sometimes in the morning... We won't do that until you're back to yourself." Dean promised. Cas nodded and slowly Dean lifted his head up, kissing him gently and pulling back. Cas moved both hands up to cup Deans face and Dean put his hands on Cas' back. It wasn't exactly making out. It was just kissing. It was lazy and relaxed and had no bigger motive. They both just smiled and kissed, exploring each others mouths, until the door creaked open. Neither of them heard it.  
"I think I found-" Sam started, stopping at the sight in front of him.  
"Oh... Ok..." Sam said quietly, smiling and starting to walk away.  
"I'll come back later then..." He smiled, shutting the door behind him.


End file.
